I'll OC Your Mischa Barton and Raise You a Willa Holland
Alright, I write A LOT of posts about television (there's no excuse for it), but I have to say something about...The OC. Many people have provided much better coverage of this topic, but I still must comment.
A) I didn't think there was anyone else more half fake-british, half slow-talker, and all mushmouth than Mischa Barton, but apparently, there is: Willa Holland, or Marissa Cooper's "new" "sister." Seriously, she talks like she's got half a Sugar Daddy marinating in the back of her mouth. I forgive her for it because her "something to prove, standing in the shadow of my big sister" storyline is so cliched that it's a fun game to anticipate all the dialogue/plot twists by screaming them at top volume at the television, an act that still only returns Mischa's vacant, always satisfying stare.
Willa: Little. Tan. Different.
"And the Emmy goes to...Willa Holland, for Best Portrayal of Ashlee Simpson on a Television Show or MacDonald's Security Camera."
This "full body shot" reveals the striking resemblance between Willa and Mischa that causes me to utter "They really do look like sisters!" everytime either one is on screen (I think it's the legs, flats). Also, the show makes a big deal about the age difference between Willa and that psycho obsessed broken-leg surfer dude since he's 17 and she's only 15. News flash, OC: when I was in high school, seniors regularly dated freshmen and that was YEARS ago. Nowadays, kids have myspace profiles IN UTERO and lose their virginity at 11 years old in the bathroom of your local mall's Cinnabon. In summation: a 2 year age difference is hardly Marquis de Sade territory.
"Saw you in the caf with Summer. Mmmmm...you smell like In-N-Out Burger."
B) I don't watch this show regularly so I'll probably miss out on the best this storyline has to offer, but how about the INTENSITY with which the show is dealing with Seth Cohen smoking a doobie? I guess it is the gateway drug...TO TERROR. Seth, take a page out of this guy's book and just skip right to making up your recovery story. Just remember, if you wake up on a plane to Providence with a Brown University schedule in one hand, an iPod in the other, your teeth bashed in, nose broken, and Death Cab blasting in your ear, relax. It's just part of orientation.
A) I didn't think there was anyone else more half fake-british, half slow-talker, and all mushmouth than Mischa Barton, but apparently, there is: Willa Holland, or Marissa Cooper's "new" "sister." Seriously, she talks like she's got half a Sugar Daddy marinating in the back of her mouth. I forgive her for it because her "something to prove, standing in the shadow of my big sister" storyline is so cliched that it's a fun game to anticipate all the dialogue/plot twists by screaming them at top volume at the television, an act that still only returns Mischa's vacant, always satisfying stare.
Willa: Little. Tan. Different.
"And the Emmy goes to...Willa Holland, for Best Portrayal of Ashlee Simpson on a Television Show or MacDonald's Security Camera."
This "full body shot" reveals the striking resemblance between Willa and Mischa that causes me to utter "They really do look like sisters!" everytime either one is on screen (I think it's the legs, flats). Also, the show makes a big deal about the age difference between Willa and that psycho obsessed broken-leg surfer dude since he's 17 and she's only 15. News flash, OC: when I was in high school, seniors regularly dated freshmen and that was YEARS ago. Nowadays, kids have myspace profiles IN UTERO and lose their virginity at 11 years old in the bathroom of your local mall's Cinnabon. In summation: a 2 year age difference is hardly Marquis de Sade territory.
"Saw you in the caf with Summer. Mmmmm...you smell like In-N-Out Burger."
B) I don't watch this show regularly so I'll probably miss out on the best this storyline has to offer, but how about the INTENSITY with which the show is dealing with Seth Cohen smoking a doobie? I guess it is the gateway drug...TO TERROR. Seth, take a page out of this guy's book and just skip right to making up your recovery story. Just remember, if you wake up on a plane to Providence with a Brown University schedule in one hand, an iPod in the other, your teeth bashed in, nose broken, and Death Cab blasting in your ear, relax. It's just part of orientation.
posted by K at 6:51 PM
3 Comments:
As a veteran of that orientation, I have to point out some important components you forgot:
1. Mandatory Day 1 opiate-and-orgy binge;
2. Video on tolerance of alternative lifestyles, including baby-eating;
3. Presentations by the Free Osama! Society; and
4. How to use your meal-plan FlexPoints to buy blackmarket babies.
Sorry that comment was so unfunny. That's another thing I learned at my alma mater: humorlessness!
P.S. In my haste to shit up your blog with comments, I forgot to say: I laffed my 'tocks off at your post. The "Little. Tan. Different." thing kill-hilled me.
Acmecwce.
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