Friendster, Let's Make Amendster

The Bottom Line

You've got the magic touch when it comes to getting the right mix of people.

In Detail

Surprising new plans enter your life and put you in a tailspin. Stop whirling around and take a gander at the lovely gift that's landed smack on your doorstep instead. The stars are urging you very strongly to stop fussing about the demise of your so-called perfect plans and instead focus on the brilliant alternatives that are being presented to you. So go ahead and bid the blues good-bye, because this is a brand-new game.

What the fuck is this brand-new hoodoo? Look Friendster, everything's fine. I'm not in a tailspin. Are you telling me I should be? For your information, I DO have perfect plans that are still very much alive, AND I have awesome and suprising new plans, as well. They can coexist, Friendster; stop being so close-minded. You're acting like I'm trying upload 25 pictures at once or "attempting to act as a server." You remind me of my firewall and trust me, that guy's a fucking PUSSY.

Actually, I just reread this horoscope, Friendster, and I don't like what you're insinuating. "Special gift?" "Perfect plans?" "Brilliant alternatives?" "New game?" "Smack?" I totally did not give up my promise to wait until marriage, and despite your urgings, I'm not going to start sleeping around.

That is what you were really getting at, wasn't it? Don't play coy with me, Friendster; you don't know the rules and I invented the game.

In the future, I would really appreciate it if you'd stop bossing me around and allow me to conduct my usual internet stalking without forcing a bunch of "hokum" on me.