Funny Story

I think that in the coming new year, I will introduce every sad, gross, or inappropriate thing I say with "Funny story..." I think people will really enjoy it. Example:

"Funny story: today I had lunch at an Applebees in midtown and then I threw up all day."

Or:

"Funny story: Tom's grandmother died."

I think everyone can see the humor in this.

In other news, the following opinion may be controversial to some. It was fully cemented (though perhaps always present in some formless, unarticulated way) a few days ago when I had the opportunity to watch a lot of satellite cable. Here goes:

THERE HAVE NEVER BEEN ANY COMEDIES EQUAL TO THE GHOSTBUSTERS MOVIE SERIES IN QUALITY, SCOPE, PLOT, "STAR POWER," AND PERFORMANCES.

Yeah, I said it, and I stand by it. And yeah, I'm talking about both movies I and II. I invite anyone to suggest another comedy or comedies that rival the aforementioned masterpieces. Keep in mind, I'm talking about movies with actual plots that aren't loose and flimsy frameworks set up so that 1 to 3 actors can just freestyle (Wedding Crashers and the entire Adam Sandler catalogue, I'm looking in your direction. Yes I enjoyed all of you, er, most of you, but I'm talking well-crafted movies). Think about it: both Ghostbusters movies weren't just hysterically funny; they were also action-packed and scary (at times). I mean, who didn't shit themselves when that ghost in the library freaked the eff out? Okay, well the first time you saw it, at least? With the exception of the ludicrous Akroyd-ghost blowjob scene in the first movie (I know, I know, I'm flying in the face of all the evidence out there that ghosts exist for the express purpose of fucking the shit out of us), these movies are without flaw or compare. If you don't believe me, just watch them. You'll see. It's DOUBLE TRUE.

Now that that's been all cleared up, who ISN'T inspired to celebrate the new year in this amazing new york weather?

Happy Christmas (War is Over?)

That's my fave christmas song.

I guess christmas was alright this year. Got some good stuff. Money and so forth. A success. I did quite a lot of present buying for myself, which I don't usually do. Might as well get some stuff I actually want.

Terrible post!!!

Things to Do When There's a Transit Strike

1. Watch reruns of Ellen and laugh hysterically at Justin Timberlake dancing in a gingerbread suit.

2. Eat two bowls of high fiber cereal because you don't feel like leaving your apartment in search of other food. Feel disgusting.

3. Call people "just to talk." Bestow unnecessary information about your holiday plans and why you can't get into the city to people like your professors, who really don't care at all.

4. Watch Martha Stewart make latkes with annoying children.

5. Contemplate cleaning your room and decide instead to lay around on your bed and order presents for yourself online. Contemplate what you will buy for family and friends, who you have yet to shop for. Wonder if your recent financial indiscretions have left you with enough money to even do so.

6. Briefly remember a time in your life when you would have used this extra time to "get exercise." Look down at your own body and shudder.

7. Wish that you were as crafty and resourceful as Martha Stewart. Vow to attempt at least one classy recipe over the holidays.

8. Wonder if your family will ever make it to brooklyn to pick you up and whisk you away from this striking hellhole.

9. Write a dumb blog post.

Happy Holidays?

One More Thing

I spell the word "seriously" as "seriosuly" too often (always) when I type it for me not to have a brain tumor.

Welcome Back. Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back

I have a blog?

Anyway, today was totally awesome! Thanks for striking, MTA! No, problem, the pleasure's all mine!

Seriously, though, this is kind of...stupid. One of my final exams was postponed for 2 weeks, which was kind of nice even though I really just wanted to be done with all my work. In the grand scheme of things, though, I don't think this was the best decision of the part of TWU. As awesome aq pointed out, the fines and financial fallout for the workers is pretty astronomical when you consider what they're fighting for. Also, the deal they were finally offered seemed pretty good. Wouldn't it be nice if we all could retire at 55? Also, an angry woman on the news screamed it best when she said "They're punishing the people who pay their salaries. I don't pay taxes for this." Right on, lady.

Well, this post is just unbelievably interesting. I must admit, I don't like its personal tone myself. I guess they can't all be winners.

In other news, I have bought no Chrsitmas presents. Not a single one. I always want to get excited about Christmas, but I think that for me, "the thrill is gone," and by thrill I mean "ability to eat large amounts of delicious food with no ill-effects and consequences of any sort" as well as "the desire to open presents revealed to be the slow sellers on the 'Latest Paperbacks' table at Barnes and Noble." That reminds me, if anyone can recommend a book about an ingenue lured to New York City by the bright lights and fancy people only to experience disillusionment in love, work, and life in general as well as a good fall from grace, please email the exact title to my mom at It'slikeshedoesntevenknowme@worstgifts.com so that she can pick them up before the only thing left on the shelves is the new Nicholas Sparks Hardcover. That reminds me, does anyone want an unused copy of Tuesdays with Morrie?

Mom, if you're reading this, I love you more than the words in a poorly-written piece of copy on the back of the latest hot chick-lit selection can say. Really.

This year I basically asked for nothing ("Please don't buy me anything. Seriously, don't. I'm begging you," to be exact) with the hope that this would translate into a modest yet sweet check that I can put toward my credit card debt. Merry Chrsitmas, Bank One! May all your wildest dreams be fulfilled as all of mine are slowly dashed by the wrecking ball of financial insecurity. I'd like to know if there's another person on this entire planet who pays 29% interest on ONE credit card. Anyone? I can be reached at SodisappointedinwhatI'vebecome@mortgagedmysoul.com.

As for what I'm going to get for my family, I feel like my continued love really ought to be enough in these troubled times. Maybe I'll just start showing off all my new book learning since they sort of paid for it. That's the gift that keeps on giving: resentment.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Internet

Did anyone else watch all those weird episodes of Law and Order last night and see the one with Bronson Pinchot and his wife, who died in the episode from putting dioxin-infused cocaine in her own vagina? Just checking.

I post like never now. Cool.

Awesome Awesome Invite Them Up! CD Release Party

As I watch coverage of Nick and Jessica's impending divorce, I'm reminded of how great it can be when people come together, like at last night's Invite Them Up! CD release party at the Bowery Ballroom, for example. Also, there were CELEBS!!!!! The show ran pretty long, but overall it was a great time. Eugene did some of his newer material that he had tweaked a little. Um, lots of other stuff happened. Great recap! But I really enjoyed Chelsea Peretti's set; she's awesome and it was a kind of testosteroney (that's a kind of macaroni made with testosterone, I think) atmosphere, as I think it can be quite frequently at some comedy shows. She made a "joke" about getting much less time on the cd than David Wain, and I personally felt that rang true as a criticism of the comedy "scene" in NY in general. Wow, way to bring everyone down, me.