I Was Going to Title This Post "Dream Theater" But I Didn't Want Some Googler to Think I Was Into That Weirdo Band

So I guess I don't need to keep bugging people to see either the play or the movie Rent because I somehow constructed a faithful version of it in my head last night whilst alseep. I know, and I've never even seen it! The coolest thing about it was that it apparently stars myself, my old manager from Urban Outfitters, and Hollywood from the Mannequin movies. Sounds good to me! Come to think of it, there were a lot of naked mannequins now that I'm remembering. It was weird because I'm a terrible singer in real life, and this was also true in the dream, but when I would start to really "belt," the people around me were still totally into it. A lot of it seemed to take place in an elevator. Well, isn't actually seeing Rent just one less thing I have to do now.

This reminds of me of that time I had a psycho dream about Kevin Spacey and Mary Kaye Place having sex in a car that went off a covered bridge and into a river. What? Also, they were senators. This is all true, by the way (that I had the dream). I somehow combined Chappaquiddick with...something, and I guess that's what came out. When I was having the dream, it seemed so cinematic and awesome. When I woke up, it just seemed weird. You know, like it does now.

My tea's too hot to drink. I hate that.

Do Gibbons Celebrate Thanksgibbing?

It's been quite a weird week bookended with two drunk homeless dudes asleep in my apartment vestibule preventing my entrance for two hours on one end and thanksgiving weekend on the other. Allow me to enter a premeptive "brainless quote" alert:

OMG "Desperate Housewives!"

Now that that's over (btw, "Desperate Housewives" is a show I would never anticipate liking and I'm not really sure I actually DO like it, but tonight's episode was PRETTY EFFED. Also, the amount of sex on "Grey's Anatomy" makes me laugh in disgust when I think about my hometown hosiptal, which I spent a lot of time in and around a year ago. Ridiculous...and disgusting, or "disfrusting," as I actually just typed) I wonder if my roommates have noticed that I'M VISIBLY FATTER AFTER JUST ONE WEEKEND OF THANKSGIVING DEBAUCHERY. Whatever...everyone loves me for my "personality."

Jeez, all those doctors do it have sex. That's it: I'm going to med school. TV: it's just like real life. Sexy.

This not doing work thing is really going to hurt in the long run. I did get a chance to catch up on "Freaks and Geeks, a show I only caught once in a while when it was on (I'm a busy person of the important variety) and am now realizing is TOTALLY AWESOME (I'm weaning myself off superaltives and hyperbole). I think my favorite is this guy:


Need a running mate? By that I mean "Will you be my mate if I'm running toward you at full speed?"

The show definitely had its flaws, but it shouldn't have been cancelled, a statement I find myself making a lot lately given the shitstorm surrounding the cancellation of "Arrested Development" (I'd be sadder about that if Martin Starr were on it).

I guess I should actually do some work now since my computer is overheating and burning my thighs (that sounded gross) and the internal fan just turned on and it kind of sounds like the bored sigh emitted by the recipient of a sub-par and endless "h-j." Oh, I'm sorry; THAT was gross. I wouldn't know about that sort of thing anyway.

Wait, I Could Have Been Watching Runaway Bride This Whole Time?

You know what, thanks a lot everybody.

If I Really Have So Much Work to Do, Then Why Am I Still Typing This?

What did I give thanks for this past holiday? My crushing tendency to procrastinate, that's what. Without it, I would never have seen The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. A "blah-dow" is in order on that one.

Just before the holiday I was able to perform a real "koo-day-tah" against MicroSoft Word, my soemtime foe. No more formatting errors for me, THAT's for sure. Did everyone know that you're not supposed to put two spaces after a period when using MicroSoft Word because it's set up to allow the proper spacing after a period for each letter of the alphabet? Boy, you really DO learn something stupid everyday.

So instead of climbing the mountain of schoolwork in front of me, I'm writing this useless tripe and trying to follow The Godfather II, which is playing on the WB right now. I keep getting distracted by the TOTALLY PSYCHO sicilian accent everyone has. It's kind of silly that I haven't actually seen this before. Umm, how about when Diane Keaton tells Al Pacino she aborted their son because she doesn't love him anymore!? Now THAT'S filmmaking. Whoa, this is all totally effed.

I guess I could waste more time by composing my christmas list.

1. Freaks and Geeks DVD boxed set
2. Mr. Show DVDs
3. Nothing else
4. Well, maybe money

I'm sure that one will go through a few revisions. I really don't like the holidays much anymore. Now it just seems like one disappointing day in the middle of two useless weeks. It's just a whole bunch of clean-up, really.

Dead spirit alert! I better be careful or I'm going to be visited by the ghosts of christmas present, which will actually be ghosts made of the worst christmas presents I ever got. Is there anything more terrifying than an aromatherapy kit? Probably the most amazing christmas ever was the one where my dad's dog found a pile of presents I had left on the floor of my room near a window and peed on them and I didn't discover the pile until after it had sat in the sun for 4 hours. That was really...interesting.

The Poseidon Admixture

This remake of the Poseidon Adventure on channel 4 is totally psycho. First of all, in this version, the ship turns over due to a terrorist act (Totally topical! Carnival Cruise Line, Al Quaeda is on the Lido deck). I'm not worried, though, because Nick Baldwin, star of such films as Independence Day and the Justine Bateman stalker flick Deadbolt, plays a Homeland Security agent. Oh, and taking Gene Hackman's place is...Rutger Hauer. I'm sure this will blow Blade Runner out of the water, no matter WHAT the director's cut says (Look, everybody knows Harrison Ford is a replicant, and by that I mean that the famous American actor Harrison Ford is himself a replicant. Duh).

Okay, so far, this remake really sucks. Where's Shelley Winters? Also, these kids are 1000 times more annoying than anyone in the first movie, even that bitch who sang "There's Got to Be a Morning After." Yes, Steve Gutenberg is in it. Yes, it's still bad. C. Thomas Howell looks like an anorexic child molestor, which is convenient for him since one storyline includes him and Steve Gutneberg's jailbait "21 year-old" daughter finding love. All I'm saying is: my kind of movie. If either of them die, I'll be really pissed.

Oh, there's that Buckeroo Bonzai dude. I forget his name. Oh well.

Steve Gutenberg is STILL hot. How can that be? He doesn't even look like he's aged at all.

I'm going to go forget that I wrote this pointless post.

I Swear I Like NY

But can you jerks who either a) wait right in front of the subway doors to enter when people need to get out, b) but in front of other people waiting to get on, or c) just start entering the subway before people have gotten off....

PLEASE DIE?

Or, you know, stop?

And Now, a Post of a Different Color

No, I'm not dead, unless by "dead," you mean "buried under mountains of school work the likes of which I've never encountered before." Whine whine whine.

I am actually going crazy, though (sorry to all real crazy people).

Now each of my classes has its own voice inside my head.

Neural Processes: You didn't study me enough this week. Also, you totally don't produce enough seratonin. Idiot.

Anatomy and Physiology: I gross you out hardcore.

Language Acquisition and Development: If you think you're going to pass me after that test, you've got another thing coming. Don't forget to read like 80 chapters in the textbook by monday.

Intro to Clinic: I am going to lull you into a false sense of security and then BAM: you have to write a diagnostic report! NOW! I don't care if you've never done it before! If you don't do it right, the world will end, of this you can be sure!

Research Methods: Hey, keep up the good work, friend!

I like that last guy; he's alright.

There isn't much room left for my other voices:

Mr. You-Like-Hummus-Much-More-Than-You-Realize-Voice
Crippling Insecurities Articulator
Who-Do-You-Think-Will-Be-Your-Next-Boyfriend-And-When-Will-He-Propose-Voice
Stephen King's Dreamcatcher
My Dad
Body Image Inner Monologue
Financial Inner Monologue
Hamlet's Monologue
Conan O'Brien Monologue
Blog's Inner Monoblog
Continuous Loop of Rod Stewart's "Some Guys Have All the Luck"

I'm really having trouble concentrating with all this noise.

A Decision No One Should Have to Make

Lost or Trading Spouses?

I know, I know, Lost, but TRADING SPOUSES!!! Crazy God freaks screaming about Jesus!

What is a girl to do?

Okay, also, Daniel Dae Kim's character on Lost really needs to stop talking to everyone in Korean like they can understand, because THEY CAN'T.

OMG, that dude and that girl just had sex! Whoa! Also, it probably wasn't safe! And by that I mean:

1) That island is very dangerous.

2) What condoms?

I'm a Gawker, I'm a Stalker, I'm a Gawker Stawker

A few eves ago, I happened to be walking by the Stadium Theater in Union Square (or, you know, whatever it's really called) and so I made the impromptu decision to see Saw II. I guess I really felt like mentally checking out for 2 hours. My succint yet on-target review can be seen in the previous post.

Anyway, as I was walking in, I saw Sam Rockwell walk into the theater with a pretty lady. I lost him while buying my tickets (why does anyone buy tickets on the actual line anymore? GET WITH IT) but then ended up riding the up-escalator right behind him and the aforementioned pretty lady. Sadly, our paths diverged when he and his companion boarded a second up-escalator, probably to see something more intellectual like Good Night and Good Luck, while I deboarded to find my theater so that I could watch a killer named jigsaw terrorize a New Kid on the Block (BTW, Donnie Wahlberg would probably "saw" someone if they invoked NKOTB).

Hey Sam Rockwell:

Don't judge me.

In fact, why don't you drop that skinny lady and dance with me.

Seriously, was he or was he not so good in Charlie's Angels? What a good dancer.

In person, he's much more "sophisticated," even if I did witness him flip someone off for reasons unspecified.

For real, though, Charlie's Angels was brawsome.

I Saw Saw 2, Too

Hmmm...not that good. Also, that's not surprising. Kudos, though, for featuring whats-her-face from 7th Heaven. Oh, and Donnie Wahlberg.

Get ready for no more posts ever, practically, what with school being, like the Ghostbusters, "too hot to handle, too cold to hold." But don't worry; like them, I am also in control.