This Is My Nightmare

Two Things

1. This:


2. If you guessed by the frequency of my posts that I'm spending a Saturday night alone at home, you were right.

Am I The Only Person In the World That Likes M. Night Shyamalan?

Seriously, what's with the backlash? I didn't see Unbreakable, and that new Amex commercial is kinda dumb, but I liked Signs, The Sixth Sense, and The Village.

I'm watching Signs right now since it's on tv and...It. Is. Awesome.

I like M. Night Shyamalan movies and I don't care. Whatever.

Also, I really, really, really like Joaquin Pheonix a lot (so I should probably see Walk the Line), especially in Signs, but I heard that Mark Ruffalo was actually supposed to play his part but couldn't because he was ill. I also love Mark Ruffalo (so I sould definitely see Thirteen Going On Thirty) and I think he would have played the same role just as well (perhaps in different ways) so MNS does deserve credit for writing such a good movie. I think some people aren't really into the whole christian theme, but I say it's good.

This was an excellent rumination session interesting only to me, as usual.

I Was Just Thinking About Sean Paul Again

Here's the video for "temperature." The video itself is eh but the song...haunts me.

I Was Just Thinking About "She's The Man" Again

And the only thing that could have made it better (besides getting rid of the lulls and maybe fixing the second half, but actually, scratch that, it's PERFECT) was if the entire soundtrack was composed of Sean Paul songs. Or just "Temperature" on a loop playing over and over again.

That's just me (I'm totally serious).

Thoughts While Watching Jeopardy

a) Young grad students never seem to do well when competing against older people.

b) If it wasn't a world war, I don't know about it.

c) Stop ad-libbing and read the questions, Trebek.

d) A whole category on Shania Twain? Really?

Speaking of Amanda Bynes, MY FAVORITE ACTRESS

IF YOU SEE ONLY ONE MOVIE THIS YEAR-NAY-IF YOU SEE ONLY ONE MOVIE IN THE REST OF YOUR LIFETIME, MAKE IT She's The Man.

TRUST ME.

I Was Bored This Whole Time and I Could Have Been Watching What I Like About You

Also, there's no way to prove this, but I'm sweating more right now than I ever have in my life for no discernible reason since I'm at rest.

I Just Want to Let Everyone Know That I DO Have Comments to Make

But some sort of computer glitch is preventing me from leaving comments on my own and other blogs. I will describe the precise nature of the glitch thusly: every word-verification jumble comes up as the letters, or more accurately, the name "smenita." When I type in "smenita" and hit enter, the same page comes up with an error message saying I must type the letters as I see them. Also, I stress that every single comment word verification comes up as "smenita." So my questions are these:

Smenita: who are you? Why are you haunting me? What am I not seeing about you? I'm typing you exactly every single time so WHY DO YOU PERSIST IN VEXING ME? Is it because you're so close to a human name, yet still so odd (albeit tantalizingly exotic; vaguely latin, no?) that if I actually met someone named smenita, I would think she (or he, whatever) had a ridiculous name? Is that why?

GO AWAY, SMENITA. YOU'RE NOT WANTED HERE.

A message to Smenita: I don't needja.


Please kill me.

According to A Homeless Man in Starbucks

Television is what the homeless "miss most."

Interesting.

That's what he said, but his actions told a different story (bathrooms).

Things I Like About The Simpsons

a) Ned Flanders' GIGANTIC, rippling muscles that are exposed whenever he's shirtless.

b) Principal Skinner, to himself, after Nelson pointed out his "shirt weiner" to the other children at school:

"Leave your body, Seymour. Leave your body."

Classic.

c) A lot more that I can't think of now.

d) I'm hungry.

S'cuse Much, Rude or Anything?

The above is an insane, nonsensical quote from the movie Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Underrated, no?

Anyway, to the guy who PRACTICALLY RIPPED THE DOOR OF THE STARBUCKS BATHROOM I WAS IN OFF ITS HINGES today:

Just what, EXACTLY, do you think the word "OCCUPPIED" means, anyway?

I especially liked when, AFTER THE INTIAL FORCEFUL THRUST AGAINST THE DOOR, you FURIOUSLY TURNED THE DOORKNOB FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE DOUBLE-DIGIT SECONDS...REPEATEDLY.

Could you sense my terror? Was this some sort of urban version of a good old timey foxhunt? Was I the Ice-T in your own private Surviving the Game?

This highlights the phenomenon of me (and other people I know) becoming intensely afraid when another person crazily attempts access to a space I'm in. Even when I know the door is locked and they'll never get in, it's somehow utterly terrifying. Basically, this guy at Starbucks was Mark Wahlberg, I was Reese Witherspoon, the bathroom was my house and we were all in the movie Fear. Basically.

That's Why I Just Kill Them

Overheard a guy sweeping the street say the following to a friend/bystander yesterday:

"A real thief never gets a bitch because they talk too damn much."

A real New York story, eh!