Kidz! Part II: Why I Love Kids

Overheard in the hallway of the school at which I work:

5th grade boy (to 5th grade girl): "Can we be boyfriend and girlfriend?"

5th grade girl: "No."

Kidz! Part I: How to Fall Into and Out of My Good Graces in Less Than a Minute

Hilarious 12ish year-old girl to her rowdy friends on the subway:

"Man, y'all be quiet. People are trying to REST."

Then, 2 seconds later, to one of the girls with her:

"No offense, but those boots look like Payless."

...Aaaaand you're dead to me. I'm not saying there wasn't something TOTALLY AWESOME and HILARIOUS about how weird and randomly mean that comment was, but still: LALL,* LG.**

*Live And Let Live.
**Little Girl.

Hey Yahoo

Do me a favor and don't tell me about how Barbaro's owners euthanized him when I log in to check my email, mmmkay? Thanks.

Day's ruined.

It Sure Was Cool When I Had Satisfying Personal Relationships

Now all I do is play this. Thanks, Wink.

UPDATE: I'm starting to suspect that my score doesn't mean anything, and it took me an embarassingly long time to realize that I could aim and shoot at the same time. OOPS!!!

Hiatus

Sorry for that.

Maybe I'm Just Lightheaded From Not Returning My Netflix for Upwards of A Month

...But the part in Gangs of New York when Cameron Diaz gets punched in the face is kinda funny.

Gangs of New York: Interesting!

Yeah, sorry, that's all I can muster.

Also: Is it historically accurate? I don't know. Look, I don't have time to watch your special features historical documentary. I only have time to watch the U2 video, alright. Sah-ah-ah-reee, Scorsese.

PS: Congrats on The Departed Golden Globe! Fave movie of 2006!

I'll Pay $2,000 To Live in the Sunken Living Room; You Pay $1,500 to Live in the Alcove

Thanks Craigslist, NYC, and life.

Yahoo, Your Content Gets Me Every Time

"Top 10 Reasons Alexander the Great Was, Well ... Great!"

Really?

I Must Alert the World To This As It Would Be Irresponsible Not To Do So

File this under "Science," "Health," "Current Events," or otherwise!

So I've been lounging around, as I'm wont to do, in my favorite robe, which happens to be my dad's old one that I pilfered from him a while back. It's blue and thin, non-jersey cotton material with white piping, not terry cloth (HATE THOSE), FYI. It's also about a size 3XL, so it's pretty comical (well, sexy-comical....GROWL, PURRRRR, etc. etc.).

So anyway, I just looked down and saw...I'm not joking...an underarm sweat stain that....seriously....RUNS THE LENGTH OF THE ENTIRE SLEEVE. I APPEAR TO HAVE CREATED THE MOST MASSIVE SWEAT STAIN KNOWN TO MAN.

I'm inclined to believe this is due to overlapping folds of material aiding in sweat seepage, and the occasional change of body position. I'm also inclined to believe I'm dying.

Glad I could share this moment. I would take a digital photo and write a Wikipedia entry about it, but that's just too much work. I am, after all, already sweaty.

Sincerely yours,

Inhuman Body that Can't Even Do A Simple Thing Like Sweat Without Grossing Everyone Out And Making It Obvious Why I Don't Have A Boyfriend

Jake Gyllenhaal (sp?) SNL

Accidentally missed it-was it funny?

I Think I Just Ate A Bunch of Plastic By Accident

:(

Happy MLKJ Day, Everybody

Peace.

What I Just Learned at the Oral Surgeon's Office Whilst He Plucked Out Mine Offending Wisdom Tooth

1. All dentists smell bad. Why?

2. I'm not immortal.

3. "This [big effing drill] only looks scary!" does not make me less scared of a big effing drill. Also, I'm not splitting hairs while you're wailing on my face.

4. Sure, maybe I didn't feel any pain, but sometimes "just pressure" can be as bad or worse when it feels like someone's pulling your whole upper jaw out of your skull.

5. If you want to remove a part of my body, you'll probably have to split it in two and wrench it around for a while before it finally gives.

6. That wisdom tooth really was the source of all my powers.

If You See Me Out and About

Please ask me to show you one of the following signature dance moves I named myself:

"The Slow Boxer"
"Who Wants a Flyer (Overhand)?"
"L Train (Right Angles Remix)"
"Hold On, Let Me Put Away My iPod"
"Card Dealer (Who Wants a Flyer, Underhand)"
"Horse'n Buggy"
"Upright Bass"
"The Chiropractor"

Oh, Well, Look at That

You don't say?

I Want to See Alpha Dog

That's all.

To the Person Who Sent Two "Bluetooth" Messages to My Computer While I Was Doing Work at Starbucks

That was terrifying. How did you do it? Please stop.

Oh, also: "UR cute" ????

Please.

My New iPerson Tells Me It Loves Me Without My Having to Beg It to Do So or Say It First

Plus I can watch DVDs on its face.

I Don't Need That Noise

Sure, I could take a peek at Missed Connections, but I just don't want to be responsible for opening up that can of worms. I mean, imagine the impact I'm having on people. Daily.

In all seriousness, MC is hilarious.

Better and Better, In My Humble Opinion

Some positively Darcian developments are occurring on The Office. Good show.

If You Call Me After I Go to Sleep

I will start frantically hitting the snooze on my alarm, thinking I set it wrong, because why else would it be ringing?

Also, did you ever get halfway through a yogurt and then think to yourself, hmmm....maybe this went bad?

Wow, That Last Post Was Abysmal

Today was a "quiet day" at work, so since I only have 10 minutes left until I'm allowed to leave, I guess I'll begin slowly gathering my things and putting on my coat. A nice slow gathering should take 10 minutes, right?

The phrase "quiet day" reminds me of when I was in 8th grade and, about twice a year, my spanish teacher, for whatever undisclosed personal reason, would proclaim "Today is a quiet day." She would then sit at her desk with her head down, and we were (I guess?) expected to do the same. If anyone talked, her head would shoot up from her desk and she would sternly repeat, "QUIET DAY!"

It was weird.

(Slowly logs off and begins gathering "things")

Good Issue of National Geographic

The December 2006 issue of NG has an interesting article about military medicine (featuring info on traumatic brain injury, TBI) and an excellent article on the Ivorybill bird search/controversy.

Plus...naked people? Just kidding. No nakeds.